Pour One Out

Escape From IV: Extreme Edition

Britain isn’t exactly known for its culinary delights, and Scotland even less so. There is not a whole lot you can say about the complexity of a culinary culture if the most famous signature dish called haggis, which involves stuffing a sheep stomach with everything else left over from the butchering process. Arguably worse is the prevalence of something called Black Pudding. When you think of pudding, you are most likely to imagine some sort of amazingly delicious chocolate dessert. In sharp contrast, Black pudding is made up primarily of blood, which is cooked until it congeals, and other sausage fillers like oatmeal and barley.

These kinds of delicacies leave something to be desired, it appears as if the Scots have made a conscious effort to rectify the situation by becoming masters of the deep fryers. Quick food is much more difficult to come across here than it is at home, there is no Freebirds (aww Freebirds, how I miss thee) and there are very few fast food places like we think of them back home. What they do have are Chipperys, usually called chippys. Chippys are just what they sound like, places that specialize in chips, the British wording for french fries. (They avoid confusion by referring to potato chips as “crisps.”) These places are everywhere and they specialize in one thing: deep-fried goodness. They have chips, chips and cheese, chips and curry, chips and gravy, fish and chips, and pretty much every other combination of deep fried potatoes and toppings.

The goodness doesn’t stop there; most chippys also have a selection of other deep fried items some of which I would steer away from, but the crowning achievements of deep fried cuisine are the deep fried pizza and the deep fried mars bar. They are exactly what they sound like. Each one is battered and fried and each one is bite after bite of delicious cholesterol soaking its way into your veins to sneak up on you later when you are dancing at your daughters wedding, but oh, it will be worth it.

Another thing that stands out about Scotland is the pie. At home when you go to a sports game you go for a beer to wash down the Dodger dog or if you live up north you go for the Gilroy Garlic Fries at AT&T Park. Here the culinary delights take a back seat to the game and alcohol is banned because of a few unsavory incidents involving riots in the street. The sport of choice is soccer and it dominates everything. When you are at a game, you won’t see people budge from their seat for anything less than an emergency. Halftime, though, is a whole different story; most people rush out of their seats to line up for a delicious scotch pie. It is an absolutely amazing little delicacy measuring about five inches across about two high and the crust is usually stiff enough to eat the pie by hand. The best part awaits you inside where you will usually find bits of steak swimming around in an amazing gravy bath.

Does this mean that I don’t miss the food at home? No. I miss my Mexican food, the cheese, the tortillas, the burritos, everything. My girlfriend warned me when we went out for a lunch date just before my flight that I would regret it if I passed up on the opportunity for one last burrito and I gave it a miss. She was right. (Look, now it’s even in print.) Despite the delicious pies, the chips and cheese and the deep fried mars bar, there are few things that I miss back home more than sitting down with a plate of enchiladas, nachos or burrito in front of me. Those of you reading this from the warm sunny weather in California, count your blessings, throw down those essay outlines and go get some tacos, now. When you get there, and your chowing down on some hot steamy beans, cheese, guacamole and rice, just let a little dribble out the end of that tortilla, think of me and pour one out for your homies overseas.

One Response to “Pour One Out”

1. Emily Robinson says:

   November 14, 2008 at 12:59 pm

   just so you know I have been reading them! I love this one, all the good food I miss from home that doesn’t involve a deep frier or a microwave. You didn’t mention the scoobie snack haha.